Nothing is Eternal
by RyukoVulpix
Summary: As he falls deeper into the unknown, Roxas wonders, what happens when a Nobody merges with their Other? Do they disappear into darkness? Or do they go on...?


"Naminé."

For some reason, her name comes to me as I fall, deeper and deeper into the darkness. She was the one who seemed to have all the answers, who knew everything about me and who I was, even when all I knew was lies. She'd had the answers before. So now…

"Naminé… what's happening to me?"

I close my eyes against the darkness, which feels like it's pressing in against me and enveloping every inch of my body in its strangling grasp. It's silent, but the sound of the blood rushing in my ears fills my head with a dull roar. It's suffocating. I can't see, I can't hear, there's nothing to smell or taste or feel. I struggle against it, against the darkness, trying my hardest to retain my sense of self, but it feels as if any second now, I'm going to lose who I am…

That is, who I thought I was…

I moan in despair. I didn't want this. I don't want this. If I had known that being complete would make me lose everything I'd ever had, the nothing I'd ever had… I want to turn back, to go back to who I was, and live my life as regular old Roxas in regular old Twilight Town as I always have…

But suddenly, everything seems to crash down upon me, like a wave of confusion and bewilderment that leaves me entirely helpless. My life in Twilight Town, the one I remember, with Hayner, Pence, and Olette always at my side, having fun, just being carefree kids all day long… that was a lie. The Roxas who lived in Twilight Town was a lie. The Roxas who was part of the XIII Order, was real. But even he didn't really exist…

I was never supposed to exist…

But even that, that state of non-existance… That was all I ever knew. That was all that I loved. Even if it was nothing, that nothing still meant something to me. Just because it was nothing, just because I was nothing… doesn't mean that I wanted to just stop being.

But it's too late now, and I'm finding myself faced with only darkness, darkness that doesn't seem to have an end, as I fall farther and farther, deeper and deeper, darker and darker…

"Why is it so dark, Naminé?

"Did you know that it would be like this? Did you know that being complete meant… this?"

No. Of course she couldn't know. She wasn't complete. She didn't have a heart. Neither of us did. Neither of us, and nobody in the Order could possibly have known what it was to be 'complete.' None of us could have known the darkness that awaited…

"Naminé…" Her name escapes my lips again, although I wonder if it's echoing out loud or only in my mind.

"This is… the end of me, isn't it…?"

I close my eyes…

… and hear her voice.

'_No. That's not true, Roxas.'_

"Naminé?" I call out in surprise. She can hear me? From where I am, she can hear me…?

'_You won't disappear. I told you that before. You'll live on. Trust me, Roxas.'_

"Naminé, where am I going? What's going to happen to me?" I'm almost pleading. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I hear someone speaking to me, saying something… something that I don't want to hear… _"The destiny of all Nobodies… is to fade back into darkness…"_ My eyes shut tight as I think it, over and over again, that single sentence cycling around and around in my mind.

'_That's not true. Stop thinking that, Roxas,'_ Naminé's voice says to me. _'You won't fade away, and you won't disappear. You'll live on, as part of Sora…'_

"I don't want to be Sora!" I suddenly burst out. When she said that… when she said that, it felt as if a single arrow with a burning tip had pierced my… well, not heart, I guess. But still, it hurt. It hurt so badly… "I… I don't want to be Sora," I repeat, more quietly and a bit shamefully, because just from her voice, I can hear how much she wants to be complete. I don't understand why, but I can hear how badly she wants it…

And I remember how badly those in the Order wanted it, too…

I remember the Order…

… Axel…

In the meantime, Naminé is silent. She's thinking, thinking so heavily on a subject she knows so little about. I imagine what she must be trying to tell me, as if she, a perfectly healthy person, is trying to explain death to me, someone already halfway dead. I slip a little further, and I wince.

"How can you say that I'll still exist…" I begin slowly, "when we've never really existed at all? How can you say that, 'Roxas will still be there,' when Roxas was always Sora in the first place?"

'_That's where you're wrong, though,'_ she says to me quietly. _'And you know it. If Roxas never existed, then why do you mention him? If Roxas never existed, then why am I speaking to him?'_

I hang my head and think. "I guess," I mutter, "it doesn't matter much now, does it? Because… this is the end of me, isn't it? Fading away, into oblivion…"

'_Roxas,'_ she says gently. _'It's not oblivion. It's just, something we don't know about yet. How can you hate it so much when you haven't even experienced it yet?'_

"I don't want to lose myself, Naminé. Even if it's all just been a lie… I don't want to lose myself!"

_'You won't lose yourself.'_

_"How?"_ I scream back at her, back into the emptiness. Kicking away from the darkness that threatens to swallow me, I scream back at her, "How? How can you know that!"

'_Because. I'll remember you.'_

Her words, her tone of voice, they both leave me stunned. Just because she'll remember me. Just because another person out there like me, another Nobody, remembers one that faded away, that means that he still exists? "Naminé… you're lying to yourself. I remember so many things, but just because I remember them, that doesn't mean that they were real…"

_'But they were real. To you, they were real. They're still real to you, aren't they?'_

And I think. I think about living in Twilight Town. I think about my bedroom, my house, my street. I think about the Usual Spot, where the others and I would spend hours together. I think about Seifer and his gang, and all the trouble they put us through. I think about the clock tower, sitting up there and eating sea-salt ice cream. I think about all of that…

"But none of that was real…" I murmur, even though I know exactly what she meant. All of those things happened to me. All of those things changed me. All of those things… made me who I am…

They all existed…

They still exist…

"Naminé?" I ask again. "What's going to happen to me?"

She's honest. _'I don't know. I don't know what'll happen. I want to say, you'll be complete, and you'll be happy, and you'll go on forever… but I don't know.'_ She sounds sad, as if she feels that she's disappointed me.

The darkness swells and roars again. I'm getting tired of being neither here, nor there. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of fighting myself. "Do you think…" I ask, "that nothing can exist?"

'_Of course. Look at us. We shouldn't, but we are.'_ I see her pale, calm face, her blonde hair spread playfully across her shoulder. I see her blue eyes sparkling, and her lips curved into a smile. I see her. I know her.

At least, to me, she's real…

"Do you think… that once nothing merges with something, does it still go on?"

'_Well…'_ She thinks. _'Sora and you…_

' _Sora is… light, and darkness. All people are. We're a part of them, only we're called "nothing." Once we combine with them, they go on. Light and dark go on forever. Light and dark are eternal._

'_So I don't see why "nothing" shouldn't be eternal, too.'_

I hang there for a moment, thinking. Suddenly, I realize where I am. Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. A nowhere less than the Nobody I am.

Because I don't want to move forward, and can't move back…

"Naminé?"

_'Yes, Roxas?'_

"I think… I think, I have to say goodbye, now…"

_'That's okay. I'll see you again soon, okay?'_

I smile. "Thanks… Naminé."

She leaves me, and I close my eyes, ready to be absorbed by the darkness, ready to feel myself falling until I don't feel anymore. But something changes.

It's not dark anymore. It's not nowhere anymore.

And the strangest feeling washes over me, something that I know I've never felt before…

I'm crying.

Why am I crying?

I've never had this feeling before.

Have I ever had feelings before?

But this seems so… real…

So… different.

But still, me. Still me.

Still Roxas.

Still… Roxas.

Suddenly, I think of the friends I've left behind. What will they do? If I ever see them again, will they recognize me?

I think… they will. They may not know it's me, but… I think they'll know that I'm there…

I open my eyes. The world seems so bright now.

So this is what happens when a Nobody merges with their Other.

Nothing _is._


End file.
